I often refer to God, and what do I mean when I say that?
Do you struggle with control? This is a common theme among my clients. We attract who we are.
I often hear...
- What's my five year plan? Why don't I have one? Successful people have them.
- I don't think I'll bother saying anything. She's not going to change anyway.
- Why did I say that? I'm so stupid?
These words are rooted in a desire for certainty. The thinking is, I'm going to avoid doing the hard thing so I don't have to feel exposed and unsure. I'm also going to judge myself for how I handled something uncertain. Sound familiar?
To be in control gives us a sense of certainty, or so we think. Control is really armor. The three most common forms of armor are numbing, perfectionism and foreboding joy - waiting for the other shoe to drop.
What my clients really want is to unlearn control; they want to experience flow, to stop wrestling with what isn’t and allow what is, to unclench their fists and gently hold them open, ready to receive.
They want to learn how to dance with the magic of life. For me, this is God.
When I say God, I am referring to a higher power, Jesus, Buddha, something greater than yourself, nature, universe, source, Shiva, whatever resonates with you. I don’t believe God has any one form.
I believe the gateway to this unlearning, to a relationship with God and letting go of control comes through spirituality. I use the word spirituality because it’s broad enough to encompass many approaches to God. You may use a different word.
If I was to ask you, "How is your spiritual life?" what would you answer.
I’m asking you about the ways in which you can slow down your thinking, release your grip on life, take time for reflection, and get in touch with yourself; to answer the questions, What do I really think, feel, fear, and desire?, with clarity.
If we don't have these answers, we don't have much.
Centering spirituality in your life is a pathway to alignment.
And with alignment comes integrity which is defined as your values and your actions aligning.
Do you find a sense of peace when you go for a walk, laugh with a friend, have a great orgasm with someone else or alone, journal, meditate, pray, be of service, look yourself in the mirror and say nice things, dance, do a hard workout, sit quietly with your favorite drink?
There are so many ways to develop your spiritual life, to get closer to God. You have to explore what works well for you. Ideally, it isn’t a routine your check off in the morning, it’s a constant series of actions that create alignment and delight and discomfort and gratitude and awareness throughout your day.
For me, I aspire to have every action in my day bring me closer to God; working out and stretching, taking a cold shower, putting on a nice outfit, doing work that’s meaningful, eating nourishing food, doing the hard things first, resting, loving my people well, growing, feeling uncomfortable and trying not to make a mountain out of a molehill, getting my nails done, sleeping, respecting my money, keeping a lovely home, keeping an open mind, forgiving myself and others, crying and punching a pillow.
All of these acts attend to my well-being and bring me home to myself. It’s amazing to think how universal our lists would be, how we all have similar wants and needs. The specifics are the adventure.
How will you prioritize your spiritual life this week in the name of letting go?