I made a bold decision!
Months ago, I shared with you that my beloved book, Full of Herself, was picked up by a publishing company.
I felt so joyful.
We were talking about submitting her for a book award. I was excited to work with a team of experts to see who I could become in the process. I was excited to think bigger.
Three weeks ago I decided to self-publish instead.
It seems like the very opposite of what I'm supposed to do. Aren't we supposed to get out of our comfort zones and strive for more? Aren't we praised and admired for securing special deals? Isn't this what we work hard for?
Let me tell you what happened.
I was under the impression that my manuscript, which my editor and I had worked tirelessly on, would be ready to turn into a book. We'd be off and running, so to speak.
They suggested more edits, writing coaching sessions, and a re-work of the structure. It felt like a punch in the gut.
While their suggestions were excellent, I started to feel stressed just thinking about the additional work and extended timeline. With no further editing I'd be lucky to have a book in-hand 9 months from now. I'd already accepted that fact.
However, with all of the re-working it would take 1- 2 years until I could hold my sweet book and share it with you. Not to mention upwards of $15,000. Yes, even though they wanted to work with me I had to pay them. This is standard practice unless you're famous and secure a true, traditional publishing deal.
As I started to digest the reality of the money - I'd known about the cost all along - and the timeline, I felt unsure, still excited, and like I'd have to lean on a whole lot of faith to get me though the process.
I also started to think about all of the things I've started and haven't yet finished. For example. hiring additional team members and continuing to find our working rhythm, hosting more live events and understanding how to make them profitable, finishing renovations to the lake house, taking a month off in July and spending it there with Austin, continuing to be an active participant in my networking group that I joined in February, setting a firm operational foundation in the business, sending Austin to a private school in August.
As I started to think about the extended timeline to edit this book further I worried about what I'd have to sacrifice to bring it to completion.
Preston said to me, "Babe, you tend to get overwhelmed by things." He is right.
I also recalled two important lessons in my book that I did not want to betray.
The first lesson was: Spend what I have.
For many years, flying by the seat of my pants, I invested in courses and coaches with money I didn't have "hoping" they would pay off. They had to perform in a certain way. There was no breathing room. No possibility for creative alternatives. It was stressful creating debt and feeling like a failure. I ran my nervous system into the ground.
In my book I vowed to afford my investment so I could give it and myself room to evolve. I knew I wouldn't be doing that if I moved forward with the publishing company.
While I knew the cost all along, the toll of the payments only came into clear view once I had an actual decision to make.
The second lesson was: Harness my big thinking.
Big thinking is a quality I love about myself and I'm continuing to learn how to reign it in. I felt the possibility of developing something great with the publishing company yet it didn't feel like it matched my reality. It seemed too big. Not that I'm not worthy of big things. I am. I realized that that I could achieve all of my goals by self-publishing and stay serene at the same time. That matches where I am and what I value.
As I sat, meditated and journaled on this decision, I felt that self-publishing was financially within reach, that I could finish all the things I had started and prioritized, and not overwhelm myself. Self-publishing, although less sexy-sounding, felt like the mature decision. So I made it. And, it's still sexy!
I'm incredibly proud of staying true to the lessons in Full of Herself because it's evidence that I'm committed to doing my work.
The cool part? The door remains open to work with the publishing company on Full of Herself 2.0 or another book if I so desire.
Nothing about this experience was wasted. I used every morsel of it to my benefit and I have kept creative control.
Here's to making a life and things we're proud of. I'm incredibly proud of my book because I finished what I started and I've said everything I wanted to say.
We're waiting for an official release date and we'll share it with you soon.
Walk your path, trust it!