Somewhere along the way, “perfect” became the goal. And for me? The desire to belong and to be impressive has sometimes made me critical, competitive and just plain cranky. 

But that drive wasn't aiming for the kind of perfect that means whole or complete. No—what we were taught was a twisted version: flawless, polished, always one step ahead of failure or judgment.

We started chasing that kind of perfect because it promised safety. Approval. Belonging.

And for women especially, that pressure got codified into our lives—by culture, media, even well-meaning parents and teachers.

Be a good girl.

Get it right.

Don’t be too much.

But definitely not too little.

In the 1950s, perfection meant the clean housewife with a smile. In the 1980s, it was the working woman with shoulder pads and something to prove. Now? It’s a curated blend of both—plus a side hustle, gratitude practice, sculpted arms, and inner peace.

It’s no wonder we’re exhausted. The rules keep shifting. But the pressure stays.

Here’s what I’ve learned after coaching hundreds of high-achieving women: striving for flawlessness is not ambition—it’s self-abandonment. It’s a beautiful-looking cage.

Struggling with perfectionism is often evidence of a deeper wound:
If I do it perfectly, maybe you’ll like me. Maybe you’ll accept me. And then—maybe—I’ll finally feel okay.

It’s not really about high standards. It’s about self-protection. It’s about making sure we’re good enough for others so we don’t have to feel the sting of rejection or the discomfort of not being chosen.

Perfection isn’t the goal. It never was.
Being full of yourself is the real goal.

Not full of ego—but full of truth. Full of presence. Full of life. Full of integrity.

Full of the version of you that no longer edits herself for approval or shoves her joy down to appear “humble.” The version who laughs when she stumbles and celebrates her wins. The version who knows that being fully expressed is more powerful than being perfectly contained.

The only kind of perfection I’m chasing now is this:
Becoming as much of myself as I possibly can—and sharing her with the world.

That looks like:

• Leading a meeting without over-preparing—and trusting I’m already enough.
• Making a big decision before I feel 100% ready (because I rarely do).
• Letting joy take up space—even when others aren’t feeling it.
• Sharing something I’m proud of without downplaying it.
• Crying in the middle of a workday because something moved me.
• Saying “This isn’t working for me” and letting that be reason enough.

If you're going to use the word perfect, here's how I suggest you use it:

Let it be a stand-in for authenticity. For alignment. For the moment you feel most like yourself.

This is the kind of perfection I’m chasing now—not flawless, but full.

 And that kind of perfection? That’s not a performance. It’s power.